Wednesday, March 30, 2005
people
sometimes i really wonder what makes a person who they are.. what affects them the way they behave arnd diff. kinds of pple.. i mean like seriously? why can't they just behave normally? like this girl, with another she like acts a little cute like trying to get on her gd side? and with me and my other friend, she's serious..as in we talk serious and she doesn't...... yeah.. people.. behavior patterns..
but there's this thing that i've finally learnt.. GOd really loves me so much.. like whoa.. and hE has already accpeted me.. i've got the ultimate acceptance already.. so why look for more else where? i've finally learnt to overlook this cool gang thing here and i'll just appreciate what i've got.. the really nice ones in my class... that'll get me by.. but the thing is that the econs pple might get transferred frm the current class now cause there may be enough pple to form a lit class.. the econs pple are seriously the genuine ones..(minus one..) pls don't let them go...anyway back again, it's like ok i know you're the whatever kind.. but i can accept you.. i'll make small talk but i can't bring myself to hang out with you.. it's like bad character corrupts good character...
anyway, i've seriouslt got to buck up on my chem and maths.. lagging super behind.. cannot procrastinate anymore.. arghh.. and drama dance yest.? it was fun but the dodo choreographer scolded me for nth..seriously for smthg that i wasn't even doing. and even this senior knew that i was correct la.. i was quite pissed at first.. he's words can make you cry.. but i was like clare, you are not going to cry over this kind of diot pple's remarks.. and i blocked it off.. and for this kind of pple, you just shut up and let him scold.. don't talk back or make eye contact with your friends.. let him scold and even agree with them.. crap.. but whatever.. it's over.. but i'm in this new dance, the music is like so so nice.. and the dance is quite cool.. come ask me abt it if you want to know more.. cause it's quite diff to explain it here.. but oh well..
yup sch is starting proper next wk.. reality is here...
wheels of the bus goes round and round
clarice [4:06 PM]
******
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
changes in life
now that i'm confirmed in ac, what will i do? where will i go from here? to tell you honestly, i don't know.. sometimes i even wonder whether i've made the right choices to stay in ac or just go to some (i'm not trying to be like whatever here or what) neighbourhood jc... my friend there loves it as i have said.. but i guess GOd has a pla for me here.. i'm really praying that i can not care abt what others may say or think and just be myself.. but in ac, it's actually quite diff to do so.. e.g. this person, in this other sch that person can behave like that and it's like tt person doesn't even stand out... but here, that person can sort of stand out a bit cause of the way that person behaves.. this is not what i feel.. but i'm potraying what the cool gang mentality is like seriously...
my friend defined to me what their benchmarks for pple are.. i'm like so totally..... ...... it's like 2 kinds.. the 1st) you have to be either goodlooking or pretty... enigmatic.. mysterious.. 2nd) talk alot of crap, humourous.. and then they will associate themselves with you.. and i realised why abt the 2nd one.. cause you entertain them.. so they keep you in their circle of friends just for entertainment pleasure...
my i make them soud like really er... but yeah.. welcome to the real world.. not everyone is nice and honest.. pple, pls pray that i can put on JEsus christ at all times.. i'm really praying for myself too.. it can really be hard and pray that GOd's peace will be upon me.. GOdly friends to mix with and that i'll be able to show them GOd's love..
dear LOrd, help me... i'm so tired at times.. really.. like i seldom joke and laugh in sch.. in mg, i had my crazy partner.. now,...... i don't crack jokes anymore. i only laugh at some of other pple's ones... my... laughter... where art thou..
the wheels of the bus goes round and round
clarice [8:29 AM]
******
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
experiments....
doing an experiment...lets see if it works.. quite interesting in fact.. anyway, i was just thinking during these few days..cause it's the holidays, finally i can wake up late and therefore i slp late too.. oh and i wastched csi:miami at 2am.. haha i slept at 1230 and got my younger brother to wake me at 2..but i quite regret it aft cause it was so violent..no wonder it's at 2am.. oh well..
and yes..back to the thinking part..these 3 mths has really been smthg.. going to jc, being in a co-ed sch, seeing how the hormones react to the changes, being pissed at certain pple, tolerating them, i've learnt a lot i wld say.. and seeing pple change aft the hols, both in sch and arnd me.. pple move on i guess.. just as the world goes on and never waits for what's left behind, so wld the things and pple arnd you.. it's quite sad at times when i think of it.. but well, you've just got to move on too.. that's how you get on in life.. i do miss the times i had during the hols..
i've got to admit.. during abition, i was so on fire for GOd.. i had the passion in me.. but once jc started, i knew i'd get swept away by the changes and i did.. it is really sad when i think of it.. what's our purpose in life? to evangelise, was i a good example? iknow i was really struggling, not to judge pple, to accept each other just as CHrist accepted me.. i think i have learnt.. what matt said on sat really spoke to me.. 'i can't love them. but i can show them GOd's love.' i was like wow.. ok.. i'll try to do just that.. with GOd's help, it's all possible.. but you pple can pray for me.. :) haha..
but anyway, this blog is seriously going going gone..!! but well, it's like sort of private now.so i'll say whatever i want cause ther's no particular audience to speak to.. i'll just blab whatever i feel like..
guys and girls.. one of the many diff b/w us? is that guys are more independant compared to us.. guys can survive on their own, girls can't..they need friends.. that's what i realised and observed..guess that's why we go to toilets in twos..haha..but really, anyway, blessed is he who has someone to pick him up when he falls.. is there a verse in the bible that goes like that? i thought i read it somewhere before but i cldn't find.. but this is like a rhetorical qn.. haha.. i'm asking myself.. but i can't ans it.. this is fun man.. tsktsk..
the hols will be over soon in a few days time.. what have i acheived? haha don't know.. talking to my friends onthe phone alot? no it's going for that dodo drama dance practices.. mon weds fri. for 3 hrs..arghh.. it's fun but it takes up too muchof my time.. unhealthy..that's what one of my friend said.. and i have been failing 2 out of 3 tests so far.. bio and chem.. arghh..#$%!&#?.. and my chem tcher can't teach for nuts.. oh well.. whatever..
the wheels of the bus goes round and round
clarice [2:04 PM]
******
Friday, March 04, 2005
i walk this empty road..
what's next? aft getting your o'level results? where do we go from here? sometimes it's really so diff to think abt the path that we shld choose.. mean like one min you'd want this.. then aft thinking again, you'd be like no.. i want the other one..
i'd say i'm like that at times and it gets really on my nerves aft awhile..i'm still not very sure if i shld stay on in drama dance[d.d].. cause besides that, where else or what else can i do or join? d.d's really taxing and tiring.. i don't think i'd want my whole jc life to be reaching home at 11 plus in the night..i think it's insane to be doing that.. i really want to get into students council.. mummy said to tell GOd my desires..but what if GOd doesn't want me to be in stu. coun.? i was quite troubled by this fact.. but aft awhile, i was like... why am i burdening myself with unnecessary things? it's too trivial to be bothered.. this isn't what i shld do.. trust GOd in everything.. have faith in hiM.. bring everything to GOd and hE will give you peace and rest..
peace and rest... it's super impt to have these two things.. otherwise slowly slowly, it'll start to tire you out and consume you... it's like a drop of dye in a pail of water.. it may start out small.. but it spreads and slwoly, the whole bucket will be coloured.. the colour may not be obvious but nontheless it is still there.. same goes to worries and other stuff.. if we allow it to be there. it'll spread throughout and consume you slowly..
the start of jc was almost like that for me i'd say.. a whole new environment... pple.. hanging out with the right kind of crowd and having christian friends are very impt... really.. 'woe is the man who doesn't have someone to pick him up'...a verse in proverbs goes somewhat like that.. they really encourage you on and help pick you up when you've fallen.. at the same time, be sensitive to the pple arnd you and you may realise alot of things.. i spoke to my friend in my class.. she was also somewhat like me..she isn't a christian.. but she was feeling at ease in my class too.. i don't usually talk to her.. but that day, we found so many things in common.. and i was sort of able to help her and she too...
but htere was one thing that bugged me super.. she isn't a christian.. but what she said was so much like what a christain wld.. her thinkings.. she said that she felt she shldn't judge pple and give them a chance.. i don't know.. but sometimes, even non-christians behave better than we christians do.. i tell you.. majority of the pple in the so called cool gp, they're christians.. and i really wonder why they behave like that.. ask yourselves pple.. are we sometimes behaving like something we're not suppose to? are we living a life worthy of GOd? will hE be proud of us?
the wheels if the bus goes round and round
clarice [2:31 PM]
******
