Friday, July 07, 2006
new day
well well.. it's been like close to a year since i blogged? out of the blue suddenly i had this urge to do smthg to this site again.. and like what the.. the tagged board had real weird pple.. if you're reading this? i'll say it again.. you're weird..
anyway this past few months, life goes on.. just like how the wheels of the bus goes round and round..
friendships are strengthened, some will stay.. forever.. but most of them, will fade away if not maintained in a suitable environment.. you lose contact, or simply cause you just don't keep up with the person's life and you don't share stuff.. then you walk down the different forks of the crossroads.. it's unavoidable..
i've grown.. still growing, my thoughts have becomed more matured.. i'm proud to say i've grown more in the LOrd too.. reading the bibLE has been a joy.. getting to know my creator more.. those weird pple out there, go pick up one and read..
i love talking to pple.. haha.. this post is full of disjointed thought trails.. but that's how i'm wired up.. haha.. i can't imagine not being able to converse.. mean like i really thank GOd for allowing me to communicate verbally.. that's how you build relationships.. one of the ways.. sometimes, just being quiet's really great too.. haha.. walked a stretch of road with my friend once in silence.. it was amusing yet nice.. nice's a vague word.. but i can't say exactly what the feeling was.. it was simply nice.. haha.. enlightening silence..
i've only one month left.. it's so exciting.. haha.. it's retarded.. but it has to come and i'm facing it.. am i prepared? i want to be.. don't want it to end up like last yr's.. i'm not ready now. but later. i will.. tsktsk..
i love my family.. they're awesome. they're stellar.
they're family.
maybe when A's are over, i'll give tuition.. maybe piano lessons.. maybe work as some waitress at a cafe.. maybe do online business.. maybe go on a holiday.. maybe go for cooking lessons to open a bakery someday..
had a thought.. friends may leave, they come and go. but thru it all yOU will be faithful.. some song by delirious. it says alot.. and it is true. pple can fail you. they disappoint you. they let your expectations down. but Jesus? hE'll never. that's what i learnt.. from then till now.
pitter patters1601hrs
clarice [12:45 AM]
******
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
growing up
it is really amazing how time can just pass by you so quickly.. it's like the last time since i was here, it was 1st 3 mths of jc1.. now it's like the last 3 mths of jc1.. time just moves on.. even if you don't, it still moves.. i guess i've settled into ac now.. more or less.. i'm really thankful for the friends that GOd has placed in my life.. i guess when we grow up, we wld still keep in touch.. i don't like making gd friends then just leaving them when again, time grabs you and makes you go along with it.. GOd has given us enough time.. hE knows better than we do and hE knows that 24 hrs a day is more then sufficient for us.. guess i just got to learn how to use my time wisely.. it's always the same problem..
promos, they're over.. it's the most craziest exam ever.. i know i did badly.. jc, it isn't like sec sch.. you can't rush and do last min studying.. consistency is so so crucial.. i've learnt my lesson.. like finally.. i learnt it the hard way.. serves me right..
sometimes i wonder what the future wld be like.. the year is coming to an end soon.. what have i learnt throughout this year? what have you learnt in this year? everything has a reason to it.. GOd has a reason everything.. nothing happens by accident.. GOd knows everything.. i guess one has to experience GOd personally.. but how is that possible? you have to want to want it.. truely and firstly humbly come before hIM to seek hIM.. you can't possibly just keep saying GOd, show me smthg.. your heart has to be right first.. stand firm in the wORd.. cause those are GOd's word.. they're all there.. that's what GOd told me.. and i'm telling you pple out there..
stand firm in the wORd.
.
the wheels of the bus goes round and round 1419hrs
clarice [11:00 PM]
******
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
people
sometimes i really wonder what makes a person who they are.. what affects them the way they behave arnd diff. kinds of pple.. i mean like seriously? why can't they just behave normally? like this girl, with another she like acts a little cute like trying to get on her gd side? and with me and my other friend, she's serious..as in we talk serious and she doesn't...... yeah.. people.. behavior patterns..
but there's this thing that i've finally learnt.. GOd really loves me so much.. like whoa.. and hE has already accpeted me.. i've got the ultimate acceptance already.. so why look for more else where? i've finally learnt to overlook this cool gang thing here and i'll just appreciate what i've got.. the really nice ones in my class... that'll get me by.. but the thing is that the econs pple might get transferred frm the current class now cause there may be enough pple to form a lit class.. the econs pple are seriously the genuine ones..(minus one..) pls don't let them go...anyway back again, it's like ok i know you're the whatever kind.. but i can accept you.. i'll make small talk but i can't bring myself to hang out with you.. it's like bad character corrupts good character...
anyway, i've seriouslt got to buck up on my chem and maths.. lagging super behind.. cannot procrastinate anymore.. arghh.. and drama dance yest.? it was fun but the dodo choreographer scolded me for nth..seriously for smthg that i wasn't even doing. and even this senior knew that i was correct la.. i was quite pissed at first.. he's words can make you cry.. but i was like clare, you are not going to cry over this kind of diot pple's remarks.. and i blocked it off.. and for this kind of pple, you just shut up and let him scold.. don't talk back or make eye contact with your friends.. let him scold and even agree with them.. crap.. but whatever.. it's over.. but i'm in this new dance, the music is like so so nice.. and the dance is quite cool.. come ask me abt it if you want to know more.. cause it's quite diff to explain it here.. but oh well..
yup sch is starting proper next wk.. reality is here...
wheels of the bus goes round and round
clarice [4:06 PM]
******
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
changes in life
now that i'm confirmed in ac, what will i do? where will i go from here? to tell you honestly, i don't know.. sometimes i even wonder whether i've made the right choices to stay in ac or just go to some (i'm not trying to be like whatever here or what) neighbourhood jc... my friend there loves it as i have said.. but i guess GOd has a pla for me here.. i'm really praying that i can not care abt what others may say or think and just be myself.. but in ac, it's actually quite diff to do so.. e.g. this person, in this other sch that person can behave like that and it's like tt person doesn't even stand out... but here, that person can sort of stand out a bit cause of the way that person behaves.. this is not what i feel.. but i'm potraying what the cool gang mentality is like seriously...
my friend defined to me what their benchmarks for pple are.. i'm like so totally..... ...... it's like 2 kinds.. the 1st) you have to be either goodlooking or pretty... enigmatic.. mysterious.. 2nd) talk alot of crap, humourous.. and then they will associate themselves with you.. and i realised why abt the 2nd one.. cause you entertain them.. so they keep you in their circle of friends just for entertainment pleasure...
my i make them soud like really er... but yeah.. welcome to the real world.. not everyone is nice and honest.. pple, pls pray that i can put on JEsus christ at all times.. i'm really praying for myself too.. it can really be hard and pray that GOd's peace will be upon me.. GOdly friends to mix with and that i'll be able to show them GOd's love..
dear LOrd, help me... i'm so tired at times.. really.. like i seldom joke and laugh in sch.. in mg, i had my crazy partner.. now,...... i don't crack jokes anymore. i only laugh at some of other pple's ones... my... laughter... where art thou..
the wheels of the bus goes round and round
clarice [8:29 AM]
******
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
experiments....
doing an experiment...lets see if it works.. quite interesting in fact.. anyway, i was just thinking during these few days..cause it's the holidays, finally i can wake up late and therefore i slp late too.. oh and i wastched csi:miami at 2am.. haha i slept at 1230 and got my younger brother to wake me at 2..but i quite regret it aft cause it was so violent..no wonder it's at 2am.. oh well..
and yes..back to the thinking part..these 3 mths has really been smthg.. going to jc, being in a co-ed sch, seeing how the hormones react to the changes, being pissed at certain pple, tolerating them, i've learnt a lot i wld say.. and seeing pple change aft the hols, both in sch and arnd me.. pple move on i guess.. just as the world goes on and never waits for what's left behind, so wld the things and pple arnd you.. it's quite sad at times when i think of it.. but well, you've just got to move on too.. that's how you get on in life.. i do miss the times i had during the hols..
i've got to admit.. during abition, i was so on fire for GOd.. i had the passion in me.. but once jc started, i knew i'd get swept away by the changes and i did.. it is really sad when i think of it.. what's our purpose in life? to evangelise, was i a good example? iknow i was really struggling, not to judge pple, to accept each other just as CHrist accepted me.. i think i have learnt.. what matt said on sat really spoke to me.. 'i can't love them. but i can show them GOd's love.' i was like wow.. ok.. i'll try to do just that.. with GOd's help, it's all possible.. but you pple can pray for me.. :) haha..
but anyway, this blog is seriously going going gone..!! but well, it's like sort of private now.so i'll say whatever i want cause ther's no particular audience to speak to.. i'll just blab whatever i feel like..
guys and girls.. one of the many diff b/w us? is that guys are more independant compared to us.. guys can survive on their own, girls can't..they need friends.. that's what i realised and observed..guess that's why we go to toilets in twos..haha..but really, anyway, blessed is he who has someone to pick him up when he falls.. is there a verse in the bible that goes like that? i thought i read it somewhere before but i cldn't find.. but this is like a rhetorical qn.. haha.. i'm asking myself.. but i can't ans it.. this is fun man.. tsktsk..
the hols will be over soon in a few days time.. what have i acheived? haha don't know.. talking to my friends onthe phone alot? no it's going for that dodo drama dance practices.. mon weds fri. for 3 hrs..arghh.. it's fun but it takes up too muchof my time.. unhealthy..that's what one of my friend said.. and i have been failing 2 out of 3 tests so far.. bio and chem.. arghh..#$%!&#?.. and my chem tcher can't teach for nuts.. oh well.. whatever..
the wheels of the bus goes round and round
clarice [2:04 PM]
******
Friday, March 04, 2005
i walk this empty road..
what's next? aft getting your o'level results? where do we go from here? sometimes it's really so diff to think abt the path that we shld choose.. mean like one min you'd want this.. then aft thinking again, you'd be like no.. i want the other one..
i'd say i'm like that at times and it gets really on my nerves aft awhile..i'm still not very sure if i shld stay on in drama dance[d.d].. cause besides that, where else or what else can i do or join? d.d's really taxing and tiring.. i don't think i'd want my whole jc life to be reaching home at 11 plus in the night..i think it's insane to be doing that.. i really want to get into students council.. mummy said to tell GOd my desires..but what if GOd doesn't want me to be in stu. coun.? i was quite troubled by this fact.. but aft awhile, i was like... why am i burdening myself with unnecessary things? it's too trivial to be bothered.. this isn't what i shld do.. trust GOd in everything.. have faith in hiM.. bring everything to GOd and hE will give you peace and rest..
peace and rest... it's super impt to have these two things.. otherwise slowly slowly, it'll start to tire you out and consume you... it's like a drop of dye in a pail of water.. it may start out small.. but it spreads and slwoly, the whole bucket will be coloured.. the colour may not be obvious but nontheless it is still there.. same goes to worries and other stuff.. if we allow it to be there. it'll spread throughout and consume you slowly..
the start of jc was almost like that for me i'd say.. a whole new environment... pple.. hanging out with the right kind of crowd and having christian friends are very impt... really.. 'woe is the man who doesn't have someone to pick him up'...a verse in proverbs goes somewhat like that.. they really encourage you on and help pick you up when you've fallen.. at the same time, be sensitive to the pple arnd you and you may realise alot of things.. i spoke to my friend in my class.. she was also somewhat like me..she isn't a christian.. but she was feeling at ease in my class too.. i don't usually talk to her.. but that day, we found so many things in common.. and i was sort of able to help her and she too...
but htere was one thing that bugged me super.. she isn't a christian.. but what she said was so much like what a christain wld.. her thinkings.. she said that she felt she shldn't judge pple and give them a chance.. i don't know.. but sometimes, even non-christians behave better than we christians do.. i tell you.. majority of the pple in the so called cool gp, they're christians.. and i really wonder why they behave like that.. ask yourselves pple.. are we sometimes behaving like something we're not suppose to? are we living a life worthy of GOd? will hE be proud of us?
the wheels if the bus goes round and round
clarice [2:31 PM]
******
Sunday, February 27, 2005
it is now
haha..results are like coming out in HALF AN HR!!!! and what am i doing? blogging.. all my friends, most of them are like ahHh!!!! and i'm like erm...uh huh... haha.. mean like what's the pt la.. what's been done has been done.. what can i do abt it? but one thing i'm afraid of is being disappointed..i don't knowwhat to expect..
this is amanda! her crazy mg friend. im SO NERVOUS ALSO. its scaring the crap out of me! heh anyways. thats all!
haha yes yes..we're like all congregated in the library, making so much noise.. and the librarian is like desperate to get us all shushed up... whatever... no it's what- ev-ver.. it's so fun meeting up with old friends and being so comfortable with one another.. i miss them.. and the librarian is chasing us to hear our faithful old principal [kon-stipated] read bed-time stories...
what will my reaction be? will i cry, will i laugh? i'm going to call daddy straight away..and then mummy..and then my friends.. lets see what i get eh?
and btw..the words on the template, it's not true... just like the colour of this template..
i feel....
like eating sakae now.. eating nydc.. eating the icecream from the icecream man.. cheng tng... now is the time..lets do it..
the wheels of the bus goes round and round
clarice [9:04 PM]
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